After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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