he told me I talked like a deaf person
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
