I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
did i just pee glitter
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
