1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
