Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
