We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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