I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
