my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
