Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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