there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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