I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
