My nipple is on Facebook.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
