from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
