Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
