I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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