New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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