Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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