i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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