If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Randomize
