I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
