Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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