What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
