I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
