I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
