I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
