Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
