I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
