i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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