hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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