I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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