I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
