Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
