ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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