I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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