She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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