Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
