Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
