i think i have two assholes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
