fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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