he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
