So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
