...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
