So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
