That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
