I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
