What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
