hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
