He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
