dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
