On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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