I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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