Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
