Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
