Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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